suggested edits to About Us

mmi's picture

They have: 457 posts

Joined: Jan 2001

I'm visiting yer amicable forum in another thread to ask for help with some stuff you guys graciously assisted mme with earlier in the century. To keep the karma flow moving, I will offer some unsolicited but hopefully useful suggestions for tweaking the text on yer About Us page. I hope these won't be seen in a negative light, but instead reviewed in the spirit of community in which they're offered.

At the A Padded Cell and The Webmaster Forums, we believe in:

standards (hyphen) compliant

and design advice (comma) solve common development problems such as cross-browser display issues, (something) programming techniques, ...

When anyone was starting to go a little bonkers (comma) we'd send them to a mythical area of the site (delete comma) called the padded cell.

we decided that it wouldn't be appropriate

it would no longer be just a forum

We determined that A Padded Cell would be a fun name ... [I'm not happy with "determined," but I'm looking to avoid doubling up the "decided" employed two sentences earlier and the way the next sentence starts with "It." A different rewrite could be better.]


[Thanks for pointing out the pun — I missed it. Shows ya how little coding I've been doing lately.]

as a spin-off/partner site to The Webmaster Forums ["From" does fit with "spin-off," but since "partner" is used last, I think "to" works better.]

eight long years [They sure do fly by.]

late 1998 [Don't think ya want a hyphen here.]

a successful internet presence." [Unlike Brits, a US audience will look for the comma to be inside the quotes. Don't know what Canadians prefer.]

The forums grew quickly (comma) and in January 1999 (delete comma) JP decided to

Dynamic Internet Solutions (DIDS) (comma) and Chad Simper

many improvements were made (comma) including upgrading to from

TWF was not receiving the attention it needed (comma) and on

At this time (comma) many more changes were made (comma) including a new design

the top webmaster (hyphen) related discussion forum

In June 2002 (comma) Chad failed to

[Mmy forum hometown had a similar problem a few years ago when we went offline for a couple of weeks. We came back to life, but never really recovered.]

In October 2005 (comma) the forum was finally sold to

and a reorganization (delete the hyphen)

In the summer of 2006 (comma) the "Padded Cell" domains were purchased

Many preparations were made at this time

In October (delete comma) 2006 (comma) the design was created and the site was pre-launched in January 2007 of that year. The official launch is planned for February (delete comma) 2007. [This needs to updated.]

He started dabbling in web development in 1998 (comma) after taking a college course [sort of optional]

or APC and TWF (comma) including CMS and forum updates

Manager, Administrator (comma) and Editor

all areas of design (comma) but particularly the interesection between

decision (hyphen) making processes [I've watched with dismay as this has become increasingly less preferred, to the point where I'm now in the minority. But I'm still being stubborn on this one!]

They will be married in June 2007. [Again requires an update. Let mme offer mmy congratulations! I was sincerely kinda thrilled when I read this paragraph — makes reading the page worthwhile just by itself. One of the best forum stories I've come across in all these years!]

at one time but have stepped down due to lack of time [I'd look to avoid doubling on "time."]

An interesting history. Like I said, reminds mme of mmy hometown. I suppose it reminds one of life in general.

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Where You Can Learn, Advise, and Have Fun in the Process

Greg K's picture

He has: 2,145 posts

Joined: Nov 2003

Wow, great catches! Thank you so much for the message to help us fix things that were missed when first published!


PS. Why am I so paranoid about making sure everything is spelled correct and punctuated properly in this message now... Smiling

Megan's picture

She has: 11,421 posts

Joined: Jun 1999

mmi - long time no see! Thanks for the proofreading. I really need to look at the contribute page too (lots of process differences there in the actual process!)

mmi's picture

They have: 457 posts

Joined: Jan 2001


Yer both quite welcome.

Greg: I know you were kidding, but let mme say I think people should never feel intimidated about what they're writing. Forum posts are just shared emails, and emails in this context certainly don't require any careful examination before being published. A post containing something useful or funny or supportive — one that makes some sort of positive contribution — should be the focus, imo. Otoh, I'd say a document like About Us deserves to be dusted and polished so it'll be worthy of all the work that went into preparing it — and in this case all the work that went into the efforts it recounts.

Speaking of contributions:

[as always, suggestions only]

content that will help our viewers improve their skills [This is kind of a tough one. I like "audience," but you might wanna go with "its" over "their." Problem is you then imply they're acting collectively. Might try "audience members," but I don't really like that either here. Collective nouns can be difficult.]

some valueable guidance even before you get started [just a thought]

markup methods [generally preferred without the hyphen]

covered extensively by other sites (comma) we probably won't

high (hyphen) end advanced articles [nothing wrong with "advanced" — I'm just looking to avoid doubling up on it later in the sentence.]

[I'd think about adding a line break in front of the headers.]

links to your site(s) [delete space]

begginner and intermediate web designers

in (hyphen) depth knowledge [generally preferred]

When you are composing your article

but less formal than in traditional published writing. [Or something like that — just looking to avoid double "article." The word is gonna appear many times on this page no matter what ya do, so I'd say eliminate it whenever possible.]

We aren't super-strict about this (comma) so don't worry if

Writing Format (colon) [for consistency]

We don't have any hard and fast rules

with a lot of writing problems (comma) we may refer you to

resubmit [delete hyphen]

Articles will be edited by the editor using

standard British English? I know our American Empire is quickly fading into history, but theirs is long gone, isn't it??

This will helps readers to decide whether or not they want to read the whole thing, provides a short description for our front page, and will gives social bookmarkers something to enter as a description. If you don't provide this with your article (comma) the editor will write one for you. [And we know how painful that can be — especially for the author! Btw, nothing wrong with the future tense usage here. I just didn't like the way "provide" might have been connected to "readers." It seemed to be a verb in search of a subject.]

a list of references should be inlcluded at the end of the article. [Gets rid of an "article." Hopefully, they'll know where to place it. You might use something like "should be appended." In fact, that would allow you go with, "This could include any works you referenced ..."]

[I'd think about dropping a and b from that list. You've already covered a, and b seems more or less obvious. You could include b (and get rid of the basically superfluous "purpose of this is to" by going with something like, "This will provide support for your arguments, advance the fundamental web paradigm of ..."]

a member of the target audience (comma) as well as an editor [optional, I suppose]

The content expert will check for factual errors.

A member of the target audience (or someone who doesn't already know about topic) can ensure that any explainations

clear and understandable [This is sort of redundant. You might go with "clear and logical.]

style, spelling (comma) and grammar

The editors [You use the singular form elsewhere.]

may be asked to provide ["Requested to" is generally considered proper — I just don't like it!]

Articles may need to be revised by the author [Might go with "Submissions" to drop an "article."]

[Oh great! Right away you start in with "submissions." Authors drive mme nuts! Forget that last idea, I guess.]

At this time (comma) the original thread

[Lots of "article" usage in this paragraph. Calls for a potentially painful rewrite, I'd say.]

to indicate that the article has already been published. Megan and/or Liam will edit the article and prepare it for publication. [This seems confusing. How can it be edited and prepared for publication after it has already been published?]

licence [Two cees in BritSpeak, I'll grant you. Have you Canucks come up a new variant?]


for non-commercial purposes only [I'd try to stick this in the sentence earlier, maybe right after "content."]

We will have a form set up here to handle submissions in the future. [I'd probably use "In the future" to open the sentence. In fact, I'd prefer something like, "A form to facilitate submissions is being developed."]

And speaking of author bios:

for more than ten years {Even better, I'd say, would be something like, "since 19XX."]

In her spare time (comma) she likes

Go warriors! Smiling

Web Xpertz Community Forums for Webmasters & Developers

Where You Can Learn, Advise, and Have Fun in the Process

mmi's picture

They have: 457 posts

Joined: Jan 2001

Forgot to mention: somebody please poke Hensler in the ribs and get him on mmy db Q.

demonhale's picture

He has: 3,278 posts

Joined: May 2005

Blast from the past... Now that is a pretty detailed proof-reading I may say...

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