mdancy — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 15:22:41 +0000

Hi,
I know this is going to sound presumptuous of me, but I was not "sold" on your copy. Your message is a bit muddled and repetitive - it took me too long to figure out what the problem and solution are.

First off, "Low Sales" is in blue, and that is a receding color. It should be red or a color that pops out. Also, the picture with the arrow heading up the graph conflicts with your Low Sales headline.

I rewrote a bit of your copy, attempting to punch it up:

"Problem:
Your product line is top in its field. Your expert-level services are award winning. Your website ranks well with the search engines.

So, what’s the problem?

Sales are low.

Solution:
Professional Website Content. Simply put, customers respond positively to well-written content. We provide:
• Professionally-written, effective, keyword-rich content
• Site editing, grammar, punctuation and spell-checking
• Translation and correction for non-native English text

Let’s discuss how we can help you polish and perfect your website. Send us an e-mail for a free quote."

You've repeated the same text in the Low Sales & Solution. Maybe change that Low Sales to red (=worrisome), and show the graph with the arrow going down. No text in there, you just present the problem and solution in the Solution box (retitle it something else).

Testmonials are good. Enhance them with numbers. Corporate guys love numbers. Like, "my sales increased 50% after Professional Website Content enhanced the text on my website".

I hope you don't take offense to my suggestions. The business idea is great - I've read many poorly written things on the web and it certainly is a needed service. My qualifications for the critique? 20 + years in the corporate world doing everything from technical writing to executive level sales. (Not that that qualifies me for anything but haunting webmaster forums...)

Take it for what it's worth

mdancy
tonydancy.com

locatepeople — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 12:20:59 +0000

nice site and a decent service. You may want to branch out into offering proof-reading for books, novels etc.

Also, as you're selling a service those google adsense ads will only advertise your competitors on your site.

frombumps2babes — Sat, 24 Dec 2005 22:39:16 +0000

I think my first impression of this site was - "whats on offer here" The graphics, IMHO, detract from the content and as content is your business thats not a good start. To be honest It looks and feels like a hosting company - guess its the template thing.

The other thing that bugs me is the adsense unit at the top. I think it would look better being the same width as the main body of the page. But then again I'm no expert

Good luck with your enterprise and I may be contacting you for a quote to see if you can write on Pregnancy,Parenting and Birth matters.

unixk1d — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 21:32:20 +0000

Since everyone else has commented on the technical aspect, just want to say that the website looks professional and quite attractive, as in colourful and bright. May attract users away from the content aspect of the site, and focus on the graphics. Content wise, could use a little more work.

Busy — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 07:06:25 +0000

IMO this is the wrong template (design) for your services. It's way to colourful and bright which is saying "look at my design" instead of "look at my content".
I feel like a kid looking at all the pretty colours rather than reading ony of the text.

I feel the top section is way to deep, at 800x600 you only just get the heading of the page, no real incentive to scroll down. those links look like they just floating in no where.

On your about us page you have the email address, (the ?subject= doesn't work in all browsers) should be changed to a link to your contact form
On your services page there is a gap between words "Does your website have high visibility ..." between have and high, just looks a lil weird.

I reckon tone down the design and you'll have yourself a winner.

amberstar702 — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 04:23:51 +0000

I am pleasantly surprised at the thoughtful responses about my website. I haven't seen any templates that represent someone who writes - not yet anyway. As far as templates are concerned, there are a number of websites that offer free ones for business and other types of sites. This was one that was offered to me, I liked it and accepted it. Did not look for others.

If a potential client wants content written, I do not think he or she would be concerned that this is not an original website that was designed especially for me. If I was working with graphics or some kind of web design, I would have to pull out all the stops and make it killer-gorgeous. I am selling words, word pictures, grammar, ideas, etc. etc. That is the area in which my creativity falls - not in spectacular web design.

As previously stated, I am not prepared to pay $1,500 + for original web design. If anyone here has paid that much for web design, I would be curious to see how it looks.

demonhale — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 03:26:50 +0000

let them make templates stay that way meg, if people want a different unique feel to their site then they will get a designer or developer...

as pointed out amber, it doesnt really matter what your page looks, but are you personally happy with it? Do you feel the theme and look of the site relates to you? your personality? Thats what I often ask clients with personal sites and those passionate for their work...

Megan — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 00:12:25 +0000

I don't get why all templates seem to have this same, sterile business/tech sort of look and feel. I'm not all that familiar with what's available but every one I've seen has the exact same style. You'd think there'd be a market for some variations.

Roo — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 21:31:06 +0000

I think your service is important.

Okay, you're a writer, not a graphics arts person, and need to use a template.

I'd like to see something that says 'I am a content writer', this template doesn't say that at all. It's very basic, and general.

You can work with templates, so how about considering having a custom template designed for you? Or how about looking for one that has a writer's theme?

People should take one look and the thought 'writer' should register immediatly. This template just doens't do justice to your all important service.

amberstar702 — Wed, 07 Dec 2005 21:42:01 +0000

Hi All:

Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to critique my site. I have not taken offense at anything written thusfar.

Yes, it is a template and I like the way it looks. I know nothing about the intricacies of design and what lies "beneath the surface". I need to take some web design courses at our local community college so that I can do some of this "stuff" myself. My budget is small right now.

So many good designers charge around $1,500 or more and while they are probably worth it, I would have to do a lot of writing to make that back. Consequently, I have had work done for me by forum friends who charge minimal amounts.

I will certainly take the advice given here under consideration and always appreciate information from well-meaning individuals.

Cheers,